Things I Didn’t Know Before I Became a Mom

• “Boob” can be used as a verb.
• Projectile pooping is actually a thing.
• It’s possible to cry over basically anything, even good things like winning at something, getting to go to an amusement park, or eating ice cream (either you personally crying because of hormone fluctuations or more likely (maybe) your child is the one crying)
• Babies have sharp gums.
• You can still function on 5 minutes of sleep per night for 3 months straight.
• You can still sleep if two 30-pound children are sleeping on top of you.
• Babies make weird alien noises when they sleep and that’s ok.
• Even if you have time to sleep, you probably won’t because you will either be worried about your child and so won’t get to sleep, or you will be watching them sleep to marvel at how cute they are and so you still won’t sleep.
• The moment you do go to sleep is when your child will wake up.
• If your child is napping near you, the moment you move to get comfortable, your child will wake up.
• Even though they will be lulled to sleep by the vacuum cleaner, the trash truck, a zombie horde, and the literal apocalypse, the moment you even breathe weirdly, they will immediately wake up and cry.
• If you wonder why I’m talking about sleep so much here, it’s because it takes on a whole new meaning when you become a parent.
• After a certain point, you stop worrying about how long it has been since you showered last and brushed your hair, and you forget when was the last time you brushed your teeth because your breath smells the same either way.
• Your child will say the most embarrassing stuff when you’re out in public. They are simply waiting for an audience.
• Your child will tell all your personal business to the daycare staff. And the school staff.
• Childbirth is the most visceral, primal, and beautiful experience in life.
• You will never love anyone more than you love your child.

What are some of the things YOU didn’t know before you became a mom? Tell us in the comments below!