Before I became a parent, I had a luxurious, rose-colored glasses view of parenting. I thought I’d teach my child to use the potty before age 2 since she clearly had such supreme intelligence (or at least, I assumed she would since I had it, haha!). She could watch the Elmo potty episode, read a few books, and BAM.
Abra-ca-potty trained.
I read all the books – have the child go around naked and they’d figure it out, confine them to the bathroom for 3 days naked and they’d learn, tag team with all family members to grab the kid and put them on the potty when they saw her peeing or trying to poop (assuming I put a bunch of pottys around the house to stick the kid onto the nearest one). I figured I could have her sit outside all summer, naked, and hose her down as needed. Total cinch.
Yeah, right. “Oh, my sweet summer child” as George R. R. Martin would say (if he ever had kids, I guess).
When I actually had a child, absolutely she was beautiful, talented, and supremely intelligent. However, also extremely independent, outspoken, and non-compliant (like every child). I did a literal song and tap dance of the Daniel Tiger potty song, Elmo song, and every other song I could find on the world wide web, to no avail whatsoever. She showed the supposed “Signs of Potty Training Readiness” at 18 months. However, I soon found out that there’s no clear timeline for a child to learn ANYTHING, especially something as personal as potty training. Each child is different and parents can’t judge each other based on whose kid did XYZ first.
We had a series of family transitions that impacted the timing of her potty training journey.
Though at times I got discouraged, I allowed myself to stay with her and remain present. I saw a child who persevered and finally triumphed on her own throughout a developmental process that only she could master.
Her brother had a clear advantage but also a totally different temperament and outlook on life. His go-with-the-flow attitude allowed him to seamlessly get on the potty early on. He had the benefit of seeing his sister as a model and having the behavior constantly reinforced at daycare as well. It surprised and gratified me so much to see him blossom like a hibiscus at night – almost unseen – until one morning I opened my eyes and he took care of business before I even woke up.
One of the awesome things about having children is that your children turn out to be just what you need (and what you can handle!) at any given time. Our life has become its own puzzle, with each person fitting into their own function. Sometimes things are difficult for one person but they’re easy for another. I appreciate the never-ending opportunities parenting affords me to learn more about the human condition and experience. They constantly make me more empathetic and forgiving, knowledgeable, and gentle about my approach to life.
