My kids were most recently voted Most Likely to Throw a Tantrum (by me), so I’m definitely not coming from a place of expertise. This is guidance gleaned from years of doing everything wrong so hopefully you don’t have to.
Before you can regulate your kiddos, you have to first regulate yourself.
Every parent gets triggered. If you feel yourself getting upset and wanting to lash out, it’s ok to talk to your child and walk yourself through it so they can see what you do to calm yourself down. “Wow, I’m getting very mad and I have to take a break (if that’s an option for you), take deep breaths, jump up and down,” etc. They will match your zen and co-regulate.
Don’t take the kids out if you know they’re hungry or tired.
Yes, you will be cancelling play dates or whatever, but unless it’s the hill you want to publicly die on, feed them or get them to nap first.
Have an escape plan.
Only stay for a maximum of 2 hours and have an excuse ready to prompt the kids to leave. “Let’s get the surprise I have for you in the car!” Or talk about an enticing thing they’re doing next, even if it’s eating a yummy snack or whatever. Having others to help you is great. You can have a “race” to the car if that’s safe (where your kid always wins because you’re old and slow or whatever).
I have found spinning the kids around works to reset them somehow.
Otherwise tossing them into the air works (again, if that is something you can do). Putting them upside down also works. Upside down and spinning works. It looks weird in public but if you need a hard reset, it works.
Stay tuned for more tantrum tamers soon.
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