I know it sounds cliche, but it really feels like yesterday that my beautiful daughter was born. I distinctly remember getting ready to go to the hospital to be induced. I felt a sense of control over the situation to a degree since I could anticipate what would happen if everything went ok. Somehow, inexplicably, everything went pretty well, according to plan, and she was born in the morning after I was induced the night before.
I remember the moment she was born.
The midwife I’d been working with looked so excited handing her to me. It was the most primal, visceral moment of my life. People try to rationalize something purely biological like reproduction but in the end, your Mommy instincts turn on when that baby comes out. Something happened within me that I’ll never forget. It’s my own unique story, especially considering this was my first baby.
Her beautiful almond-shaped eyes looked up at me. I could tell that I was the only person she recognized as “home.” I smelled like what she knew and she identified my voice. She had been crying but instantly calmed down when she was placed on my chest. I felt her tiny heart beating. She latched onto my breast and the midwife said, “This is the magic of breastfeeding!” Of course, later the magic kind of wore off when she had issues consistently latching but in that moment, everything felt perfect. Exhaustion and excitement beyond belief flowed through me. I wanted to sleep forever but whenever I’d try to rest, I’d experience such fear that something would happen to her.
I couldn’t tell exactly how she would grow up or who she’d look like, but as she continued on, she started to look more like me. At first, she looked so much like her dad that it seemed like I wasn’t involved at all in this genetic profile. Every day seemed so long but also so fantastic. I remember sleeping with her next to me, her chubby cheeks glowing with the light of a night light.
One of the happiest, most blissful moments of my life occurred when she started walking.
She and I had spent so much time and energy trying to help her walk and she took on the challenge like a champ. Since then, it has been a high-speed chase catching up with her and all the things she gets into.
She became the most wonderful big sister, taking care of her brother from the time he was a newborn, always bringing him her favorite toys with the assumption that he’d also like to play with the same toys (despite not having the body control to operate any of them). They have been thick as thieves since then and protective of each other at preschool.
It has been a joy to see my daughter interacting with her friends at preschool and becoming a clear leader among her peers. She is so confident and dynamic that all the children follow whatever she is doing, like the Pied Piper. Her empathy seems highly developed for a child and she loves fiercely. She is the most gorgeous child, with porcelain skin and a petite button nose. Her hair curls perfectly. It’s hard to tell her “no” when she asks for anything because she’s so adorable.
How is it possible that this once tiny baby is already heading kindergarten in the fall?
She loves the idea of school and has the doe-eyed excitement of someone who has never experienced the difficulties of life. She is so ready and lets everyone know that she can’t wait to go to school. But what happens when Mommy isn’t ready for her to go to kindergarten?
It takes maturity and emotional growth to allow my little baby to spread her wings a bit and fly from the nest. I’ll cherish these moments and remind myself to enjoy every single day. I’ll allow myself to cry on the day she first goes to school, full of expectation and ready for her first experience of life.
