According to the National Coalition on Domestic Violence, 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime. This statistic is staggering. The world of teen dating is certainly a bit frightening, no matter the circumstances. The hormones, the immaturity, the irrational behaviors. Add on to it the risk of domestic violence and I am petrified of my children growing up.
Right now my kids are younger so the fears are not as relevant. But the anxiety for what’s to come is already looming. On my darkest days, I what-if myself into a frenzy. I hope more than anything that my children do not struggle through the same tumultuous experience that I did. I hope they know what love is supposed to be and that there is no place for control or abuse in it. I also pray I am able to have the tough conversations with them and explain that not all people are capable of demonstrating love in healthy ways.
When I look back on my high school years I realize that the boys and men I encountered had a sense of entitlement. They felt entitled to control, manipulate, and abuse me. And as a young girl, I was immature, insecure, and reckless. I’m certain that my insecurities made me an easy target for predatory people in my life.
I truly thought that what I was being given was love. I didn’t realize until much later that all of the red flags for abuse were there before a hand was even laid on me. Some of the shows and movies I had seen made me believe that jealousy and possessiveness were romantic. Even sexual aggression seemed par for the course. It took me a long time to unlearn all of the abusive behaviors I thought were normal, and even necessary, parts of a relationship.
It makes my head spin that I, as well others, somehow believed that the things that happened to me were okay. We need to do better by our children. We need to talk to our kids about loving relationships so that they know what is okay and what is not. We should discuss the warning signs ahead of time, not after it’s too late.
Just as critical, we also need to hold our children accountable for their actions. I want to make sure that my own children treat others, and themselves, with love. Being “young and dumb” is never an excuse. Many older people talk about the evils of entitled youth. I believe that a sense of entitlement to other people, and their bodies, permeates generations. If we want to change the abysmal statistics on domestic violence, we need to start at home. It is vital that we talk to our children about healthy, normal behavior in relationships.
Yes. Being a teenager is hard. Wanting to feel love and acceptance is so “normal”, and yet so many of us have gone about it the wrong way or are going about it the right away. You are doing a great job, Mama.
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