My family and I used to go out to eat for lunch after church. Cheddar’s, Bob Evans, and my favorite, Chili’s. And before we would go inside, my dad would normally tell my two sisters and I, “Don’t be neanderthals.” This was accompanied by a smirk and an eyebrow raise while he was shutting the van door, but still held that fatherly authority.
I am the middle child, so it felt a little more… direct.
We would usually comply, which is why we got to keep going out I guess. I knew that we needed to be quiet and respectful, but I mostly just cooperated so that I would not get in trouble later, or earn myself the dreaded “parent whisper.” As I grew older (and matured), I began to see the real reason my parents embedded and enforced the “no neanderthal” rule: they were teaching me to be acceptable to society.
Okay, that may sound a little old school or pro-conformity, but it is really a service to your child. The rules of each society are different. These are taught and learned once a kiddo is earthside. My baby girl is just over a year old and she is already showing signs of understanding some rules; her favorite word is currently “no.” Not to say, but to ignore and laugh hysterically at while continuing her little rebellion. My 7-year-old recently learned that sticking up your pinkie finger is like flipping the bird if you are in China (not true, but he was convinced). Teaching your children how to appropriately behave within society is necessary to their success in school, work, friendships, relationships, and even their own parenting journey.
I am guilty of sometimes, maybe, slightly acting like a wild thing, at home and in public.
But it is still in a way that society would deem “okay.” Example: chasing your kids around the park using a monster voice with a contorted back and claws for hands? Acceptable. Chasing students around the schoolyard you don’t work at while using any voice? Unacceptable (probably illegal). Not everything unacceptable is illegal, though. Throwing every french fry you eat at McDonald’s up into the air before eating it while dropping most: unacceptable, but not illegal. So I save the food Olympics to do at home with our kids.
Some may feel that it is impossible to be accepted by everyone, which is certainly true, but participating tolerably in the general society is simple: be kind, be courteous, be compassionate. This is not to say “conform to our rules or be exiled,” (thank goodness) but rather to encompass what it means to be a good denizen in our society. The obvious way to teach this is to lead by example. I am still mastering the art of keeping my observations about other drivers sharing the roads to myself. But the great thing is that even when it slips out, despite my objections, I can audibly respond to that mistake. “Less than a compassionate thing said about another driver…” ”Ope! That was not kind of me to say, I feel frustrated that they ran that stop sign. Next time, I’ll try to say that instead.” Seems simple enough!
There are several rules, but some of them can be left to the parent’s discretion. Of course, I am not speaking of laws, but rather, the unspoken guidelines. One of these that my husband ignores is the unspoken guideline that walking around in your birthday suit at your local swimming pool locker room is a-okay, so he teaches our kiddos that changing in a stall is more than acceptable. I like to ignore the unspoken, age-old rule that I cannot hold my baby all the time.
Use your “momtuition” and commonsense to discern which of society’s “rules” you revere in your family, perhaps the “no neanderthals.” Which is your favorite guideline to rebel against?
