An athlete dreams of winning the big game, attending the Olympics, winning gold, making it to the major leagues, etc. The odds of those dreams coming true is low, but without those big goals, there is nothing to strive for, no purpose to put in the long hours and way too early mornings, or suffer through the pain of getting stronger, or the need to fight and rehabilitate after an injury or time off.
Goals definitely drive progress in sports.
There is no question about that, but are goals and competition and striving the only way to succeed in athletic endeavors? What if our losses, setbacks and failures – the things that teach us humility, perseverance and if we truly love the sport – are just as important as the successes. Maybe they are the things that help boost our pride, hope and determination even more so than the goals and striving.
When I had kids, I tried my hardest to keep them away from competition and sports and striving for a goal that may never happen. My mindset was skewed thanks to the world of competitive gymnastics and being an “Olympic-hopeful” at a young age. I regretted not achieving my goals and put myself down for not succeeding daily. I didn’t want that for them. I wanted them to be happy and never know the stress-driven, perfectionist world of competitive sports.
But no matter how hard I tried, I still ended up with athletes.
I wanted to wrap them up and keep them from ever feeling the sting of disappointment. I wanted them to only succeed and never fail. I fell into the trap of more, harder, faster, better, but all that did was put so much pressure on them that they could never succeed or enjoy the process. They were so terrified that they would disappoint me that their nerves always got the best of them.
When things started to fall apart and we had to deal with plateauing, injuries, unjust treatment, etc, I was devastated. Even though I tried so hard to keep them from the sting of disappointment, here they were experiencing it. I wanted to quit and to just keep them safe from all that hurt. But I started learning about the growth mindset versus performance mindset, and I realized I was looking at things all wrong. Yes, they needed to have goals, even if those goals eluded them. Yes, they needed to work hard and find success to see that hard work does pay off. But they also needed to fail to learn how to get back up. They needed to learn how to claw their way up from the bottom, and needed to learn how to dust themselves off and keep moving forward when they fell from the top.
They needed to realize that there would always be someone better than them and that was okay. In fact, they should encourage others to be better than them because iron sharpens iron. And instead of pushing them to be THE BEST, I needed to push them to be THEIR BEST. I needed to remind them that even the best athletes fail at times, but the true winners are the ones that don’t give up.
Whether they make it to the Olympics or just learn to enjoy the sport they are doing and the joys of improving their skills, they need to appreciate the ups and downs and keep trying. I mean if a 5-foot 10-inch kid from North Carolina who got cut from his high school basketball team could go on to be a GOAT of the 20th century, who knows what is possible for the youth of today.
