Dear Husband, Grocery Shopping Is Not Alone Time

Before kids, grocery shopping was enjoyable. My sanctuary. Therapy. My alone time. I’d sip on my Starbucks as I casually strolled up and down the aisles, perusing the options and mentally running through what we had in our pantry and what we needed. I’d see a sale on a certain item and then build an entire meal around it, on the fly, or Google a recipe and meander around the store, selecting what I needed for it.

I loved waking up early on the weekend and shopping before the crowds showed up and brought the weekend chaos with them. It was part of my weekend routine, along with a run or gym class, laundry, and deep cleaning the house. 

Enter a toddler. Enter chaos. Enter exhaustion. 

Grocery shopping now? I usually still get my coffee, but now it’s out of caffeine deprivation and desperation to keep my eyes from looking like I haven’t slept in a year, rather than enjoyment. I no longer casually stroll; I speed walk up and down aisles, running across the store frantically because I forgot to grab the milk while I was over in the dairy section. I quickly and frantically rack my brain, trying to remember what we have in the fridge and what I need to grab (Do we still have Goldfish? Are we out of cereal? Did I eat the last of the peanut butter? Why doesn’t my brain work anymore?). No longer am I Googling recipes in the store and building meals around a great sale on a cut of meat. Now, I’m grabbing our staples and trying to get out the door as quickly as possible. 

My husband still thinks it counts as “alone time,” and I can’t really blame him because I spent the first nine years of our relationship telling him how much I enjoy it. And technically, I am alone (usually). But it’s not refreshing or renewing like it used to be. It’s freaking exhausting – mentally and physically. I’m sure my heart rate is in the target zone for weight loss the entire time, as I sprint from aisle to aisle (so this counts as my workout for today, right?). My brain always feels like I’ve just taken college finals all over again, trying to remember what we need and what I can cook with what we have in the house. 

So, no. Grocery shopping is not alone time.

It’s stressful. It’s exhausting. It’s one more thing on my never-ending to-do list. And can you believe that when I cross it off this week, I have to DO IT AGAIN next week? Unbelievable. 

But I’m not going to let myself get bitter over it. And I’m certainly not going to let anyone else do it for me (Helloooo, control freak. My husband might get the wrong brand hummus. No, thank you). So I continue to tell myself:

Well, this is a treat. Kroger at 7 AM on Sunday, all by yourself! Grab a latte. Grab a cart. Let’s enjoy this next hour.”

But the reality is that it isn’t alone time anymore, and I do need some sort of time to myself. So dear, sweet husband, in case you were wondering, the following things are actual alone time:

• A hot, undisturbed shower where I get to shave my legs AND wash my hair. And then even dry my hair afterward.
• A nap. With the door shut. And no one else in bed with me. 
• A long run when the sun is shining, without the jogging stroller. Just me. And a new episode of my favorite podcast. While you watch the kids and make dinner, unprompted. 
• A pedicure. Or a manicure. Or even a manicure and a pedicure if we want to dream big. And also, you don’t text me the entire time I’m gone, about anything. At all. Unless it’s a photograph of our daughter looking adorable, clean, fed, and happy. Otherwise, pretend I don’t exist. 

As mamas, we need to carve out time for ourselves. You can’t pour from an empty cup and all that. So often, we are just focused on getting everything done on our to-do lists and making sure everyone else is taken care of. But today, find some time for yourself, even if it’s just five minutes, locked in the bathroom, drinking your coffee while it’s still actually hot.