Looking at the divorce statistics out there, you can be sure that over half of us out there have experienced this or are currently in a divorce. These are some things I wish I had done when I started my divorce process. This is not intended in any way as legal advice or psychotherapeutic advice.
Get a therapist (a really good one!).
Work through the overwhelming emotions you will face so you don’t turn to any kind of substance use to numb your pain. Talk to your therapist instead of alienating your friends and family with a lot of negativity and depressed mood for the next few years. The same goes for talking to your doctor about any medications that can help you. You’d be amazed at how good you can feel with proactive medication and therapy as a combination.
Find a local divorce support group.
They are free! My favorite was DivorceCare but you can do an online search to find one in your area. These people are now your tribe and can understand and tolerate your depression and anger much better than your friends and family can during this process (believe me!).
Don’t cheap out on an attorney.
Do your research and find a good one who can settle your case without having to go through the demanding and extremely traumatic court process. Vent your thoughts through your support system first so you don’t get charged extra by using your attorney as a therapist or wasting money by expressing your hurt feelings to them. This gets super expensive, super fast.
Don’t diss your ex to your kids or your family (as much as possible).
In the best or worst case scenario, your kids and your family will forever have to deal with your ex because you have kids with that person. That’s super hard if they’re muttering “What a cheating jerk!” under their breath all the time. Your kids build their self-esteem around you and your ex as their gender role models, so please don’t mess up your kids by making them think they are also bad because 50 percent of their DNA is bad. Either remain completely neutral regarding your spouse or tell them stories about the good times you had with your ex or positive ways they are like the other parent.
ALWAYS take the high road.
Don’t start drama. Treat everything like a business transaction between you and your ex. Make sure everything you say or write is something you would also say to the judge because that might be what you end up doing. Seriously. Save it for your therapist because they will keep it confidential.
The court sides with whoever will maintain the peace that your kids need in order to thrive. Divorce is never fair or equal and the more quickly you (with the help of your therapist) realize this, the more quickly you will be done, retaining the things that are most important to you while settling on the other things.
 realize this, the more quickly you will be done.){kind=link}