Just Like Mommy

From the backseat of my car, a gleeful little voice proudly announces, “I wear sunglasses … just like Mommy.”

“Just like Mommy.”  Simple words, right?

Motherhood, I’ve learned, is anything but simple.

This declaration shouldn’t come as a surprise.  My daughter follows me around, carefully watching as I apply my morning makeup, thumping around in my shoes, toting my purses, and trying on my jewelry.  She is my little shadow, and here’s the thing: she’s always watching.

YOU GUYS.  This responsibility is HUGE. This feels even bigger than keeping her alive as a newborn!

The truth is I don’t even always want to be just like Mommy…and I am Mommy! I’ve got a lot of less than savory characteristics. I can be a little judge-y [ew, gross, I know]; I’m rigid [sometimes to a fault]; I have far too many superficial insecurities [we needn’t go into detail]; and I’ve been known to nag, nag, nag [just ask my poor husband].

I’m 33 years old, and self-love has always been somewhat of a struggle. And you know what? I am tired. I am tired of second guessing myself. I am tired of focusing on my flaws. I am tired of feeling like I’m not enough.

My daughter’s seemingly innocent comment made me realize that maybe it’s time to see myself the way she views me.  (In the spirit of total honesty, my daughter is only 2, so we haven’t hit any of the trying pre-teen or teen years yet.  I’m sure her opinion of me will radically change with time, so I’ll relish the rose-colored glasses years while they’re here!)

My daughter sees so many traits in me that quite frankly, I just don’t. To her, I am capable, strong, smart, and so many other things I am quick to dismiss.

If you could see from the sweet eyes of my little girl, you would see…

Mommy is fun and funny!  I can say with about 100% certainty that most people would not describe me as either of these. But I am a regular comedian to my favorite girl!  In my non-mom life, I can, admittedly, be pretty uptight. Something about being a mom makes me feel like a kid again myself. It is easy for me to make up outrageous songs and dances, become a tickle monster, and do my best Minnie Mouse impersonation. To be really real: I thought playing and being silly would be a challenging component about motherhood since I am a more serious person. I’m so happy I was wrong.

Mommy is pretty. Ok, so obviously there is SO much more to life than outward appearances, and I will do everything I can to teach my daughter this. That being said, sometimes it’s nice to hear, “Mommy looks pretty!” My favorite happens to be when she says that Mommy looks like “Cinder-ger-ella”! She doesn’t look at me and see the practically tattooed dark circles or the untoned tummy.

Mommy is always there. I’m her rock.  A phrase she uses to self-soothe is, “Mommy’s right here.”  And it’s true. I am forever and always there for her. Right now, it’s for the little things like bumps and bruises, being around big crowds of unfamiliar people, and bad dreams. I know her problems won’t remain this easy forever, but I also know that I will be there for the tough stuff as well. I’m solid to her even when I don’t always feel so solid to myself.

My daughter sees me without judgment or criticism.  Even on my worst days, she sees something good in me. She sees me with the kind of pure, unconditional love I should start showing myself. It’s high time to give myself a break and practice a little bit of what I preach. A blog post doesn’t mean that I’ve got it all figured out – not by a long shot – but it does mean that I’m trying to get there.