We’ve all experienced romantic break-ups. They’re no fun, but there tends to be a protocol for coping with them. Most of us know that shedding a few (okay, a lot of) tears, eating copious amounts of ice cream, and spending some quality time with your girlfriends can help to heal a broken heart.
But a couple of years ago, I experienced a different kind of break up – one for which I was totally unprepared. I suffered a break-up with a close friend – and I had no idea how to handle it. What is the protocol for coping when a friendship suddenly ends? There aren’t a million romantic comedies or chick-lit books out there that tell women how to deal with the loss of a friendship.
I recently conducted a highly-sophisticated and scientific study via Instagram to determine how common it is for a woman to experience a break-up with a friend.
My very small survey received 11 responses, and 10 out of 11 women replied that yes, they had experienced a break-up with a friend. That’s 91% of my survey participants! If 91% of us have experienced this phenomenon, my first question is this: WHY DON’T WE TALK ABOUT THIS MORE FREQUENTLY?
When I lost my friend, I felt alone. When you feel sad, you’re supposed to turn to your girlfriends to drink wine, eat ice cream, commiserate, or laugh. But where do you turn when that friend you’ve always turned to in a crisis in the past is now the one causing the problem?
I felt very alone in walking the journey of losing my friend. I felt alone because no one talks about this type of loss. I also felt alone because so many people didn’t even know I was suffering (and I was reluctant to talk about it). When you experience a romantic break-up, it’s much more obvious. Everyone close to you will realize pretty quickly that you no longer are involved with your romantic partner. When a friend disappears from your life though, it’s often not quite so visible. Those around you might not realize what you’re going through, and as a result, you won’t experience the same level of support.
It’s been many months since my friendship ended.
I still occasionally feel a pang of sadness about that lost relationship. But as the cliche goes, time truly does heal all wounds, and that was the case for me, too. I’ve realized as I’ve walked this journey that in order to fully heal, I’ve had to let go of the animosity and bitter feelings. I’ve had to let go of the hurt I felt, and I’ve had to let go of wondering if the relationship would ever be repaired. Once you realize the relationship is damaged past the point of no return, I think that Disney’s Frozen encompasses the best advice for fully moving on: Let It Go.
