I’m a TCK, and if you haven’t heard that word before, it means that I’m a Totally Confused Kid.
Just kidding. It actually means that I am a Third Culture Kid. Most people have never heard this term because it belongs to a group of people who have spent most of their childhood in two different cultural contexts. You see, as a TCK, I have a “passport culture” (American) and a then I have a different culture in which I spent most of my time (West African) as a child. I struggled to identify as an American child, because I lived only 4 of my 18 growing up years on American soil. And yet my birth certificate and my passport classify me as American. On the other hand, spending 16 years in West Africa gave me the ability to identify with that culture, language, people and place. But, clearly, I was not African.
Somewhere in the middle, I formed a culture of my own – a third culture. It’s a mix of American and African and the two cultures blended together to form their own unique setting for my growing up years. We ate pizza and birthday cake (totally American) and yet I knew how to tie a wrap around skirt as good as all my African aunties. I spoke English at home, but Songhai out and about everywhere else. I attended an “American” school, but my classmates were American, Canadian, British, Nigerian, Beninois, Swiss and many more. 
A third culture kid can be anyone who spends part of their growing up years in a different cultural context than their passport country. This can apply to missionary kids, military kids, diplomat’s kids, and even immigrants to a country. While many of us TCKs may feel “totally confused” about where we belong, I have found that we also have many positive characteristics as a result of our unusual upbringing:
- We tend to have a broader view of the world. Once a child has traveled and seen the world, that door will never shut (even if they never travel again!). They tend to be more aware of cultural differences, more willing to explore and tend to be aware that the United States is in fact not the only country that matters.
- We tend to be resilient. My family moved over 10 times during my childhood, and while it wasn’t always easy, I learned how to do it well. Transition was hard but it molded me and matured me in ways I never would have gained without all that transition. Now as an adult I tend to be more resilient to big changes and more flexible with my time.
- We tend to invest in relationships deeply. On the mission field overseas, there were always people coming and going. Some stayed for years, some stayed for just a few months. I learned early on as a child that if I wanted to be friends with people, it was best to just skip all the surface level stuff and get to being friends immediately. Yes, saying goodbye was so much harder when the time came, but I am so richly blessed by relationships formed from my childhood that I still have that bond with.
- Sometimes we still have no clue what is going on in America. Yes, I’m American. Yes, I’ve lived here for nearly 8 years now. And yet sometimes I still feel overwhelmed by the American culture. I cannot stand to walk through the pet section in department stores because there are more aisles and options in the pet section than most of my African friends will have access to in their entire life. The first time I used self-checkout I cried because it was SO OVERWHELMING and there were so many buttons and that was even with my husband walking me through each step (we did not have self-checkout in West Africa!). After I had my first daughter, no one visited me in the hospital and I cried about it until I realized that most Americans just don’t do that…they value privacy over in person visits.
- We all just “get it”. It’s hard to explain to someone who hasn’t lived in another cultural context what it was like growing up in one of the poorest countries in the world. But then I run into someone who also grew up overseas, and even though they grew up in Japan and I grew up in West Africa, we just “get it”. The cultural contexts might have been completely different, they might have had military parents while I had missionary parents, but we look at each other and just understand all of the transitions and joys and world travels that have led us to this moment.
- It affects how I raise my children. I often get asked how my upbringing affects how I raise my own children. It truthfully affects everything I teach them on some level. We have a strong desire to travel with our children – and not just to the beach or Mexico, but all over the world. I have a passion for teaching my preschooler that a world outside the United States exists and that many people live in it. I love to sit in restaurants or shopping malls and point out to my children the people who are speaking different languages or wearing different clothes and to explain to them that their family and their culture may be different (and beautiful!!). My kids might be raised in only one culture as Americans, but I will never let them forget that the world is such a big, broad and beautiful place to learn about.
So what about you? Are you a TCK? Do you know anyone who was raised as one?
If you could ask me any question about my childhood, what would it be?
