Hey, Mamas.
This one is for you.
The ones who don’t yet have kids, but are planning to be parents one day.
Our culture has done you a huge disservice.
It tells us almost constantly how difficult children can be.
It claims that you NEED wine or chocolate just to get through the day with children involved.
It will tell you that you will go years and years without sleep.
It will inform you that you will never have a “bikini body” again.
It will give you countdowns until the moment and the day that you get to send your child off to school; to college; out of the house.
It will tell you that you’d better take all your vacations pre-kids, because post-kids? That ain’t gonna happen. No one can enjoy vacation with children in tow.
It will imply to you that volunteering or doing service projects is nearly impossible with kids.
We hear these things all day long – both out loud and in subtle ways.
I’m here to tell you a different story. I believed all of these things for a long time. I heard these subtle messages and I lived like they were true. I started to see my kids as inconveniences, and believe it or not, I even started to plan out what my life would look like when my children were finally out of my home (which, by the way, will not be for a good 20+ years since we aren’t even done having kids). I began to feel that being a stay-at-home mom was very difficult and possibly not for me.
The problem with this mindset is that there is some truth to it. Kids do require A LOT of work! By the end of the day, I’m exhausted in a way that I didn’t know before I had kids. Sometimes I’m impatient and exasperated (because I am human!), and I do enjoy having a bowl of kid-forbidden ice cream after I’ve put them to bed! I have indeed gone about five years without much sleep, and my body most certainly looks different from my pre-baby body.
My oldest starts kindergarten this fall and I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself when she is at school all day. Vacations are certainly more expensive and we do have to choose what activities we can participate in. Let’s just say, I don’t plan to spend the money to take my three little kids on a backpacking tour of Europe. My husband and I recently tried to volunteer at a service project and in one morning, I counted SEVEN times that I had to stop what I was doing to take a child to the bathroom.
But those things that you have been told, Mama? They aren’t the whole truth. They left out so much of the story.
Like the part about how much JOY my kids bring me with their crazy antics. So much joy that each evening, I miss their laughter and smiles when they lay down to go to sleep. So much joy that I don’t feel like I even NEED that chocolate or wine or bowl of ice cream.
They left out the part of the story that explains WHY we are missing so much sleep. We are missing sleep because we get to sit up in a rocking chair and feel the weight of a precious life leaning on our chest, their eyelashes blinking against our skin, their chubby arms wrapped around our necks. We get to be the person who is called to in the middle of the night. We are the safe, trusted space for our children, and that is why we are up half the night.
They left out the whole story when they talk about our bodies. My body will never be the same. My belly stretched wide to accommodate all of my children in a safe and healthy womb. My hips spread to let them come into the world. My breasts gave three children nourishment for 30+ months now. I should be seeing this as a PRIVILEGE, not a sacrifice.
They left out the part of the story that tells about the privilege of spending soooo many moments with our children. This year, I got to see my daughter sound out her first word. I GOT TO SEE MY CHILD LEARN HOW TO READ. Now that’s an amazing privilege. I don’t want to miss that in my focus on getting my kids out of the house so I can have a few moments of peace.
They left out the whole story when they talk about lack of traveling and vacations, too. The last vacation we took, my son ate an apple while overlooking the sleeping bear sand dunes in Michigan. My breath caught in my throat as I saw the magnificent views, and my children taking it in. What a privilege to share the world with them. It may not be Europe, but it was beautiful, and it was our family taking in the beauty all together.
We signed up to do a service project and I did almost quit halfway through because I was having to stop so often to help my children. But after a few corrections, my children started looking for their own ways to help. It was the most beautiful sight to see my children eager to serve. That wouldn’t have happened if I had stayed home or if we hadn’t kept on going when we wanted to give up out of frustration.
The whole story isn’t just that children can be hard work. It isn’t that children are massive inconveniences. Yes, children do require work and it’s not easy. But it’s worth it. It’s oh so worth it.
