People will come and go from our lives, whether we like it or not. The truth is that some relationships were not meant to last. Through the years, I am sure we have all learned in some way, shape, or form this very valuable lesson.
The hardest part of it all is when that relationship is a relative. Or a lifelong friend. Anyone who knows your heart inside and out. These are the people you trust and rely on for a shoulder to lean on. And vice versa. You have both shared your secrets. You have celebrated victories and cried over losses together. To lose someone so deeply rooted in your soul is the absolute worst feeling.
It leaves a hole in the pit of your stomach.
But allowing yourself to lay stagnant in their toxic energy can be just as detrimental. Unfortunately, that is exactly what happens sometimes. We can love people so much and so honestly that we become blinded by their ways. We succumb to accepting their aggressive and sometimes harmful behavior as normal. It is not normal to seek out opportunities to cause others sadness. It is not normal to live in the spaces between anger and wrath and to bring constant negativity to the table.
Slowly you begin to speak up.
Then one day you have a disagreement that shatters the walls of comfort. A fight that stifles all love and warmth from every crevice. You are left clinging to what was because what is left in the midst of the chaos is a feeling of grief and heartache. For me, it felt like a loved one passing. A void that could not be filled. You might be saying, fights are common, what could go so wrong that a true friendship, or relationship, could be so viciously torn apart? The answer, anything that leaves you feeling disrespected. A feeling of hurt that cuts so deep you swear you might actually bleed out. Tempers rise and when people are close, they are able to say things with such venom and malice. But you have had enough of the abuse. So you stand up and say no more. Not today. Not ever.
Does this mean we should avoid creating relationships, no.
A lot of friendships and relationships will last the test of time and are true blessings in life. But it is good to keep in mind that the building blocks of anger are many and do not always come with sensibility. The point of all of this is to say that if you happen to find yourself at the tail end of a friendship, if you find yourself mourning the loss of someone close to you who no longer wants to be in your life, know that it truly is not you. Whatever hurt they have going on in their own lives has caused them to cut out everything that brings them joy and happiness. They are content in their misery. You are not to blame. You did all you could do and for that, I applaud you. Walk tall knowing that you were the very best friend you could be.
The hurt will linger for a while. The pain of losing someone who is still alive seems difficult to wrap your head around. But in the end, you will be stronger for knowing when to say no, for knowing when to let go, and for accepting that we can not always be the beacon for every lost soul. Sometimes we have to say goodbye so that they may grow from their own experiences. And so you can grow, too.
Have you ever experienced something like this?
