But how on Earth do we begin teaching the idea of gratitude to our kids?
My kids are young. My oldest is only 3, so it often feels like we’re limited on what kinds of activities we can introduce to spark conversations on thankfulness and gratitude – not to mention the idea of introducing these intangible concepts to a preschooler feels just a little daunting when it’s a practice I still struggle with as an adult. But it’s not impossible, and it’s so important to instill these feelings in our kids at a young age.
In our house, here’s what we plan to do to help our girls practice kindness, gratitude and thankfulness this holiday season:
Reflecting on the good. Every night, I am setting aside a few minutes at bedtime to talk to my oldest about her day. Together, we’re coming up with three things she’s thankful for that day. They can be as simple as a really great lunch (patting myself on the back for those grade-A lunch packing skills), or that grandma surprised her at school pick up that day. “Thankful” is an idea she doesn’t quite understand yet, so we often rephrase by asking what she loved doing at school that day, or what made her really happy. Anyone who has ever tuned into a personal development podcast knows that a daily gratitude practice is key – it’s never too early to start! What I love about this practice is that it works for virtually any age group. If you have teens or kids who are hesitant to open up, journaling is a great way for them to reflect without having to divulge those feelings to mom and dad.
Donate. Together, we’ve picked a charity to support this year and we’ll visit one of their holiday events to bring donated items from their wish list. Animal rescues are near and dear to my heart and since we have two dogs at home, choosing to support a local humane society translates easily. We’ll bring food, treats, collars and other items our daughter sees our dogs use every day in our house and use it as an opportunity to teach her how we can help other pets who don’t have homes yet. For older kids, lots of organizations allow kids to volunteer with a parent present. If full schedules don’t allow for time to volunteer, carve out time to go through old toys at home and donate what’s no longer used to a local organization. Or, adopt a family and shop for gifts together.
Give the gift of experience. I know I’m not alone when I say “Please, no more toys!” anytime anyone asks what my kids want for Christmas. Our house is bursting at the seams with “stuff” and I am over it. Last year, we asked for memberships or experiences for our daughter and were not disappointed. We enjoyed countless trips to the zoo this year and I firmly believe that those memories are far more valuable than this year’s latest and greatest gadget. Swim lessons, music classes, or even a family trip just for a weekend are perfect ways to spend time together instead of everyone unwrapping a gift and retreating to their room alone.
Vocalize. Just the other day, we were on the way home from a zoo trip and I was relishing in the silence. The baby was asleep, and my preschooler was immersed in a movie on the iPad. Bliss, right? But then I realized, I was missing an opportunity to vocalize my own gratitude to her. How should she know what to be thankful for unless she sees us demonstrate it? I told her how much fun I had with her and her sister that day, how glad I was that our weather was perfect and that we got to share the morning together. It’s important for them to hear us talk about our own gratitude so that they learn how to search for their own.
Which brings me to my final point – Practice. What. You. Preach. I mean it. I’m learning this so much right now, as my daughter repeats everything we say and do, including mannerisms and tone of voice (so that’s where she gets that sass!). It’s made both my husband and I really think about what we choose to say – are we only talking about the negative? Do we take time to show our appreciation for each other and those around us? Are we practicing kindness to strangers, even under stress or pressure?
There’s a saying that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with and, well, our kids spend quite a bit with us. Are we modeling thankfulness and gratitude in our own lives in a way that our kids can tangibly see and grasp? This idea alone – the idea that little eyes (and teenage eyes!) are watching our every move – has shifted my perspective and what energy I choose to put out in the world so much.
If you aren’t able to integrate any of the above ideas into your life this holiday season, I argue that this last one is most important. Start your own daily gratitude practice, talk about acts of kindness towards strangers – everything from holding a door open to saying “please” and “thank you.” Think consciously before you complain about a bad driver or make a nasty comment with your kids in earshot.
I’m always searching for new ways to incorporate these lessons into our daily lives, so tell me – what other ways are you demonstrating gratefulness to your kids? How are you teaching your kids to be kind, appreciative, amazing humans that will grow up to change the world?
