Now that my divorce decree has arrived, there are many things I wish had been done differently during the process. Both parties have to be open to doing these, but there are great benefits if parents can look into all their separation-related options. As always, I’m not an attorney but just spent years going through family court as a regular mom and would not recommend it…
Collaborative divorce is where both parties work to settle on terms without ever getting the court involved.
Attorneys for both parties work with professionals and mediators, as well as financial support professionals, to help each party understand the legal process and reach an agreement, thus saving thousands of dollars in a safe, collaborative environment. There are amazing resources in the area for collaborative divorce and it came out of the increase in divorce and increased trauma families experience from the court system.
Mediation is also really helpful prior to filing for divorce.
Mediators are often court professionals who work with couples and their representation outside of court or as a part of the court process to outline how the court would operate if the case went through the court system. The parties can then agree upon those guidelines instead of paying thousands of dollars for a court professional to give them the same exact opinion that the mediator recommended.
Each county court system is different and applies the law differently.
It’s important to consult with these professionals to see how divorce law is currently applied in your county. Ohio, on the whole, has an interest in splitting all assets and parenting equally so it is “fair” if parties can’t agree on something that works better.
Most cases don’t go to trial because most couples can settle along the way.
As someone who unfortunately had to go through the entire court system, I can’t stress enough how damaging and antagonistic this environment can be. There is help out there if you can empower yourself and your former partner to understand your options during every step of the process.
I encourage you to give up things that aren’t important to you and consider it a win if you walk away with the most important things that matter to you.
Otherwise, going through the court process can be so much more expensive that instead of giving money to your spouse in an agreement, you are giving it to the court instead. Believe me, you can come up with a better alternative between you and your spouse’s attorney than anything a court will provide.
There are communication programs and applications, such as Our Family Wizard, that you can pay for to help document communication between you and your co-parent.
This helps you collect documentation in one place and your attorney or other professionals can also view it.
Co-parenting coaches can also help advise you if you choose to co-parent and collaborate with your ex but you experience a high amount of conflict.
They can help you both find better ways to communicate.
Use these tools and services to help yourself find solutions to these most difficult life problems. Remember that the court officials are not psychologists, therapists, life coaches, or support persons. They know about the law, not about the actual needs of your children and your family. Don’t expect them to come up with a decision that meets your needs. Their obligation is only to the law.
